I remembered that look – it said so many things but none of them led to a future for her and me. She was worn-out, as low as the oxygen atop of Mt. Everest but as heavy as below the ocean floor while she desperately strained through the sand to inhale life.
It burned in my soul as if my fault. I was angry with grace but also with the brooding faces around her and me who offered no sympathy but there was one – her mother who battled with strength though fell into my arms as if heaving up a baseball. How could life become so meaningless and I lose myself when I am what I needed most to find?
We both had to reconcile the truth that neither one of us wanted to say goodbye when it seemed like we were always saying, “Hello!” I remember you both with memories that break through the silence like black urine trickling from the living. Your name I try to forget but faced with the dilemma of hating you and loving her I fold in on myself like lungs with no oxygen. How you’ve damaged lives like an egotistical satire giving credibility to remembering you all the more. I hate you!
You drink life as though death was your name and maybe it is. Maybe instead I shall call you fatality because you took from me the love that was mine. A connection born from compassion ended from you. Chemotherapy, I can’t forget your name but you and I will never be more the acquaintances we’ve been!
Somehow, I will forgive you!
Beneath the belly of pain, love finds the light that shines and we never forget the faces of those we’ve loved along our journey! Love them through your tears and through your pain, love them! Don’t mourn the death, the cause, the root, but love the life – we only get one. Find your forgiveness, please!